Pump up the puns

I’m so not a poet
I can’t rhyme for shit
So cheer out loud and thank the gods for Telia Nevile:
the Poet Laureate

We last met her back in high school
full of hope that love would come
and together they’d recite and write
and find words that they could pun

As she grew and travelled
love still slipped from her grasp
A poet’s heart is special
it needs a love that lasts

Now she’s on our airways
on the illegal pirate dial
It’s like a podcast, but for rebels
and guaranteed to make you smile

and laugh, snort and guffaw
and wipe away good tears
if you’re the type who likes to read
reviews that artists fear

Our poet still resents her normal family
And been on many dates gone wrong
But someone must be listening
to fall for her po-mo love song

Donning frightening fluffy slippers
and pjs brown and tartin
she broadcasts each night to October 5
from her living room that’s spartan

If you still watch Buffy
and fancy Toby or Josh from the telly
This gorgeous show is just for you
and it’s directed by Matt Kelly

Come linguists all, you’ll love this show
if you’re witty, smart or cunning
There’s naughtiness and lonely pain
and jokes far better than my punning

It’s for everyone who cares for words
who reads, writes or creates
It affirms that grammar always rules
and that we should correct illiterate mates

Don’t miss our adored poet
if you scrawl, word process or typewrite
You can buy tickets at the door
or book on the Melbourne Fringe website

And for more wordy love don’t miss Wordgasm Smackdown on 6 October, where local wordsmiths like Ash Flanders, Ben McKenzie and Zoey Dawson will join Telia in a Fight Club with words.

PS: Telia, we need to talk about your use of en dashes.